Sometimes the party takes you places you didn't really plan on going.

WHAT THE FUCK DID I SAY EARLIER?! I ALWAYS FUCKING FORGET ABOUT BLOGS. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS.

Not much has changed. I still hate Kanye West for dissing my girl, Taylor. I still miss Patrick Swayze so much it almost physically hurts me to watch Roadhouse.

I still hate school even though I'm on winter break. Managing a newspaper has managed to suck the life out of me. Look, I love writing. I think it's awesome, I love reporting the news and designing shit and all that. But can't I just fucking write shit and fuck around on InDesign without having to worry whether or not our idiot sports editor remembered to change his page numbers? Guess not.

In the time since I've gotten out of school I've been spending a lot of time lounging around the house in leggings and v-necks and cheap Ugg Boot knockoffs I got at Old Navy. When I'm not watching Law & Order reruns dressed like I'm heading out the door for Jazzercise class or having cuddle parties with the bestie I'm devoting ever fiber of my being to not eating meat or dairy.

That's fucking right. I've gone (quasi) vegan. I'm mostly pretty good at it when Denise isn't waving slices of cheap Pavilion's cheesecake in my face. Really I didn't go vegan for the sake of the animals or because, as Morrissey so eloquently put it, Meat Is Murder. [I have two cats, and I love them but that doesn't mean that just because I like to roll around with domesticated animals I have a philosophical problem with munching on burgers and steaks] I did it for purely selfish reasons: Vegans consume considerably less fat and calories than meat-eaters and I'm sick of looking like Porky Pig's girlfriend with the pigtails. I'm also lactose intolerant and my intestines are SO grateful that I'm abstaining from dairy. No longer will I wake up in the middle of the night, curled in the fetal position because I decided to have a SlamBurger at Dennys.

Fuck. That sounds delicious.

Now I wake up curled in the fetal position, cold sweat, screaming* for other reasons. Purely nonsexual ones.

You see, I'm batshit crazy. I put up a front like I'm all witty and put together, when really it's so no one suspects that I AM BATSHIT CRAZY. The stress of the semester and life and not getting laid for 23 years had really gotten to me so now I have panic attacks on the daily where I convince myself that everyone I have ever come into contact with hates me. I writhe around in bed and listen to sad songs and text message everyone I know with the hopes that someone, ANYONE, will text back with something along the line of "You're amazing! You're hot! Everyone wants to be you. No one thinks you're completely insane. You're SOOO MONEY." When really all I get back is "Miss U! Let's do lunch sum time!" Then I shit myself in a fit of rage because apparently most of my friends are idiots and can't handle putting together whole words on a telephone keypad. Well, now I don't have friends at all, because I somehow have an inferiority complex AND a superiority complex AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME. I'm convinced everyone hates me because I must be a moron, but, really, I'm better than them because THEY are the real morons for thinking I'm a moron.

I wish I could have a personal assistant just for my manic episodes because I have so many good ideas that I need to right down that very moment, if I don't, I forget them and then I get pissed off at myself forever. I AM A BOILING CAULDRON OF ARTISTIC PASSION.

The biggest contributing factor to my insanity has been my family. Let me break this down for you: I have an insane, ego maniacal mother, an emotionally retarded drunken father and THREE bitchy, obnoxious, high maintenance, critical sisters. Two of them are married to retards, the other one is still looking for a new baby daddy, because she's the craziest one of all. Those three sisters have spawned SIX nieces. This family is a estrogen powerhouse. You can see why I'm so high strung. This is my family.

I got to see Against Me! at a teeny venue in Silverlake called SPACELAND a couple of weeks ago and it was one of the greatest shows I have ever been to. There are certain bands that no matter what musical phase I'm going through I will always love. Bands like X, Joy Division, New Order, Bauhaus, Against Me!, Hole, ok the list goes on an on, but you get the point.

*A la Bella Swan. That's right, fuckers. I saw New Moon. TWICE. And I liked it. Mostly because it's really nice to watch a ripply 17-year-old run around in indie-kid cutoff shorts and no shirt. Hot damn, I'd do horrible things to him. Look at me. I'm ashamed of the person I've become. Forget I ever even mentioned New Moon. For serious, though. I almost bought a Jacob Black poster at Borders today. Fuck my life.